Tools & Tips

Optimism 101

Try this simple technique to change your outlook on life!

by Lauren Dzubow
O Magazine, April 2011

Martin Seligman, PhD, the father of positive psychology, gave us a quick lesson on a classic optimism-boosting exercise - which he calls the ABCDEs. The goal, Seligman says, is to get you to stop thinking pessimistically, rather than teach you to start thinking optimistically (which rarely works). "This fix isn't instantaneous," he says. "But we've done studies on it involving thousands of subjects, and we know it's effective." So the next time you experience a setback - anything from a leaky faucet to a fight with a friend - walk yourself through these five steps:

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"Soft Skills" Business Courses Aim to Prepare Students for Managerial Roles

The Wall Street Journal - May 5, 2011

By Melissa Korn and Joe Light

Business schools are tapping into their "soft" side.

This fall, students at Columbia Business School will be invited to learn the art of meditation. Emotions will run high in Stanford Graduate School of Business' long-running "Touchy Feely" course. And professors at the University of California at Berkeley's Haas School of Business will try to teach students to rein in their type-A personalities, lest they upset fellow classmates.

It's all part of a continuing push by business schools to teach "soft skills" - such as accepting feedback with grace and speaking respectfully to subordinates - that companies say are important in molding future business leaders.

Although business schools have traditionally excelled at teaching "hard skills" like finance and accounting, those skills become less relevant as an employee ascends the corporate ladder and moves away from crunching numbers to overseeing employes, companies and experts say. more »

The Business of Happiness

Fast Company Magazine - March 2011
By Nancy Cook

Marketing professor Jennifer Aaker stands before a blackboard-size mural her Stanford Graduate School of Business students had created. It's a patchwork of 1,300 snapshots of everyday moments: mangos, pink Converse sneakers, cupcakes, beer pong, clean laundry, a convertible, and Halloween. With its bright yellow border, the mural is titled, "This Makes Me Happy." Aaker points to a photo of a latte, its brown and white foam swirled into the shape of a flower. The froth, she tells me, was her happy moment of that day.

Offering a happiness class to the future masters of the universe at one of the country's leading business schools does sound a little touchy-feely. Yet, last fall, 80 of these type-A students signed up for Aaker's graduate level course called "Designing Happiness" - with another 100 clamoring to get in.

But Aaker's work s gaining attention not just in academia but also in corporate America: She worked with AOL, Adobe, and Facebook, among other companies, helping them figure out how to use happiness to increase employees' productivity and woo customers. If her hypotheses are correct, marketing happiness could be one of the few ways businesses can still appeal to people in a manner that feels authentic. "The idea of brands enabling happiness and providing greater meaning in the world is powerful," Aaker says. "People have an aversion to anything that feels overly manufactured." more »

Make Your Life a Work of Art

"Make my life a “work of art?!” Is that even possible? It would be nice just to wake up on time and not get chewed out on the job…but A WORK OF ART - wow!”

What would your life look like if it were a work of art? How would it feel? How would it sound? How would you show up and express yourself?

I’m serious: What would you do differently to be a living work of art? A masterpiece. A classic. A thing of beauty!

Reveal yourself through the Art of Living!

You could transform yourself through what I call “Art art” – painting, dance, sculpture, performance art, theater, writing – or you could show up in life in an artful way – as defined by you! Graceful, organized, happy, easy? Or gutsy, edgy, bear-for-breakfast, adrenaline?!

My assistant, Vi, loves art and it speaks to her in powerful ways. She has a print of the Birth of Venus in her home, and looking at it, she relates intimately to the imagery and power of Venus: reborn, clean slate, gorgeous, awe-inspiring, female force of Nature! Art inspires her everyday to lean into those traits and go, go, go.

The Mona Lisa. The statue of David. Banksy graffiti. Wagner. Play-doh. Maybe a costume made of raw meat?!
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World Laughter Day!

World Laughter Day, held annually on the first Sunday of May, is designed to instigate premeditated hilarity around the globe. According to the World Laughter Day website, the goal of the event - started in 1998 in Mumbai, India - is to "change the world in a peaceful and positive way." So mark your calendar for May 1, 2011, bring your best jokes and get ready to start changing the world - one laugh at a time. For information on how to join the fun, go to worldlaughterday.org. more »

Defensive Pessimism

Cheer up. Be happy. Find the silver lining. Smile. If you didn't know any better, you might say we are a country that preached optimism. But some 30 to 35 percent of Americans employ a calculated form of negative thinking - called defensive pessimism - that can lead to very positive results, according to Julie K. Norem, PhD, a professor of psychology at Wellesley College.

We're not talking about a general disposition to see the glass half-empty: "Defensive pessimism is a strategy uses in specific situations to manage anxiety, fear, and worry," says Norem, who has conducted seminal research on the subject. "Defensive pessimists," she says, "prepare for a situation by setting low expectations for themselves, then follow up with a very detailed assessment of everything that may go wrong." Once they've imagined the full range of bad outcomes, they start figuring out how they'll handle them and that gives them a sense of control." more »

The Happiness Bug

"Six degrees of separation" isn't just a good plot line. Science shows the theory has dramatic implications for spreading cheer from one person to the next.

So you know Kevin Bacon? Small world. The theory that everyone on the planet is only a half dozen people away from knowing everyone else was popularized by John Guare's 1993 movie Six Degrees of Separation. Now research by a pair of social scientists might have Hollywood thinking of a sequel: Three Degrees of Connection.

Using statistical analyses of thousands of subjects, a study in the British Medical Journal has shown that happiness actually spreads from person to person, up to three connections away. "So if your friend's friend's friend becomes happier, it ripples through the network and affects you, even if you don't know that person," says author Nicholas Christakis, MD, a medical sociology professor at Harvard Medical School. Proximity plays a part: A happy sibling who is a mile away can increase your probability of happiness by up to 14 percent; a nearby friend by 25 percent; and a next door neighbor by 34 percent. Interestingly, the theory also applies to smoking and obesity, Christakis has shown. "If people around you gain weight, it changes your expectations about what an acceptable body size is," he explains. "Our work strongly suggests that when one person quits smoking, loses weight, or become happy, others around her follow suit. I am reluctant to suggest you pick your friends solely on this basis, but one could say that helping a friend do better is a roundabout way of helping yourself." - Tim Jarvis more »

Connect With Your Spirit At Work

Motto Magazine
March/April 2007

It's not just good for your soul, it's good for business, as Lynn. A Robinson shows.

Learning to trust your gut at work is much more than simply paying attention to your hunches. It involves looking within for the answers, living life with courage, faith, patience and trust. It also involves connecting with your spirit through daily practice and taking action on wisdom you receive.

Connecting with your spirit at work is apparently good for business as well. A study by the highly respected Wilson Learning Co. found that 39% of the variability in corporate performance is attributable to the personal satisfaction of the staff. Spirituality was cited as the second most important factor in personal happiness (after health) by the majority of Americans questioned in a USA Weekend poll, with 47 percent saying that spirituality was the most important element in their happiness.

What are some of the ways to connect with your spirit at work? more »

Thank God It's Monday!

by Jyoti Thottam

In Game 5 of the first round of the 1984 NBA play-offs, Isiah Thomas experienced the most remarkable 1 1/2 minutes of his career. Playing for the Detroit Pistons, trailing the New York Knicks in sweltering Joe Louis Arena, Thomas suddenly couldn't miss. With the last quarter slipping away, he scored 16 points in just 94 seconds, forcing the game into overtime. "I remember coming back into the huddle at one time and practically crying because everything was flowing so right," Thomas recalls. Even an eventual loss in the game doesn't tarnish the memory. It was a classic in-the-zone moment. "Your focus is crystal clear. You are seeing and you are feeling things before they really happen. You just instinctively feel and know what's ready to happen."

Those moments are rare, but Thomas says he could feel the euphoria years later. Nice work if you can get it, right? Well, maybe you can. Ask Carol Young. She isn't a pro basketball player, she's a teacher's aids in Santa Monica, Calif. for Kira Sweeney, a blind student, "I'm her eyes," Young says, anticipating Sweeney's needs through every lesson of the day. Young finds bas-relief globes for the student to touch during geography lessons, plants for biology and Braille versions of everything. "While I'm doing my work, I'm not worrying or fussing," Young says. "I'm on a wavelength where I just do what I need to do. It's almost an intuitive thing, like being on automatic pilot." Like Thomas, Young gets emotional thinking about it. "Sometimes I feel as if I assist in miracles." Listen closely, and you can almost hear the cheering fans. more »

A Cure For Common B.S.

In Beyond Bullsh*t, Samuel Culbert , a professor at UCLA's Anderson School of Management, tries to cure the scourge of cubical culture: excessive b.s.

Why did you write this book?
I wanted to explain why bulls--t has become the etiquette of choice in office life.

How do you define b.s.?
It's telling people what you think they need to hear. It may involve finessing the truth or outright lying, but the purpose is always self-serving. And while I appreciate the role of some b.s. in keeping the corporate peace, it makes people feel beaten up, deceived - even dirty. When people talk straight at work, companies make out better because the best idea usually wins. In contrast, when people are bulls--tting, they hide their mistakes and the company suffers.

What's required to create a culture of straight talk at work?
Straight talk is the product of relationships built on trust. No one advocates something that's good for the company that's not also good for them. By the same logic, no one has ever washed a rental car. The trick is to create a work environment where people feel sure that they'll be rewarded for their ideas.

What does your b.s. detector tell you about the current economy?
Whenever there's a recession, there's a boom in bulls--t.

From Newsweek Magazine
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Detachment is the path to happiness

"To enjoy anything, we cannot be attached to it. What we usually try to do is capture any joy that comes our way before it can escape. We try to cling to pleasure, but all we succeed in doing is making ourselves frustrated because, whatever it promises, pleasure simply cannot last. But if I am willing to kiss joy as it flies, I say, 'Yes, this moment is beautiful. I won't grab it. I'll let it go.' And I live with a mind at peace and heart untroubled. Pleasure comes and goes. When it goes, we don't need to cling to memories of the past happiness or dwell on when it may come again. When we turn to the past yearning, we are running away from the present. When we propel ourselves into the future in anticipation, we are running away from the present. This is the secret that the world's spiritual traditions call detachment: If we don't cling to past or future we live entirely here and now, in 'Eternity's sunrise.' "

Excerpted from Take Your Time (Nilgiri Press, 2006), a mew edition of a collection of talks by the Indian-American spiritual teacher Eknath Easwaran. more »

What to do when trouble strikes.

By Paulo Coelho

Once a crisis has begun, here are the worst ways to react:

Ignore the problem. Mary knows that John, her husband, is about to be fired from his job, which will make it hard for their family to survive. However, as John doesn't mention the matter, she pretends she doesn't know.

Deny the problem. John, for his part, thinks he will soon find another opportunity, thanks to all the contacts he has made throughout the years, therefore, he doesn't see that he is in a difficult situation. He forgets that one the the hardest rules of life, brought to light by Jesus, is "to those that have little, the little they have will be taken from them." At the moment he loses his job, all these contacts become meaningless, because John will no longer have anything to offer in exchange.

Refuse to ask for help. John and Mary have spent many years together, and know each other extremely well. John is preoccupied with the problems at work, which saps all his energy. Mary could help him -- but pride does not let him share his difficulties. The result is that John sinks further and further into the depths of his difficulties.

Lie or tell half-truths. One day, Mary gathers courage and asks if something is wrong. John answers, "I'm thinking of changing jobs." Clearly, from a literal point of view, this may be considered true. Mary does not say anything else. The pressure John feels now increases, because he suspects his wife knows something, but now that he has lied, he can no longer use the truth to save himself.

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Mood-Boosting Home Improvements

Do you smile when you walk in your door? Tim Jarvis reports on the mood-boosting new field of neuroarchitecture.

O Magazine - March 2008

Anyone fond of coming home to a chilled glass of Chardonnay to help wind down may soon be dreaming of the front door keys rather than a corkscrew. The pleasure is due to a hot new field of design called neuroarchitecture. Emerging research on how factors like light, space, and room layout affect physical and psychological well-being are driving the buzz behind this new intersection of art and science. "The premise is to consider how each feature of the architectural environment influences certain brain processes such as those involved in stress, emotion, and memory," says Eve Edelstein, PhD, adjunct professor at the NewSchool of Architecture and Design in San Diego and research consultant to the Academy of Neuroscience for Architecture (ANFA). more »

Compassion Meditation Training

Start by closing your eyes and thinking of someone you love. From O Magazine - March 2008

By Sharon Salzberg

Compassion meditation involves silently repeating certain phrases that express the intention to move from judgement to caring, from isolation to connection, from indifference or dislike to understanding. You don't have to force a particular feeling or get rid of unpleasant or undesirable reactions; the power of the practice is in the wholehearted gathering of attention and energy, and concentrating on each phrase. You can begin with a 20-minute session and increase the time gradually until you are meditating for half an hour at a time. If your mind wanders, don't be concerned. Notice whatever has captured your attention, let go of the thought or feeling, and simply return to the phrases. If you have to do that over and over again, it is fine.

To begin, take a comfortable position. You may want to sit in a chair or on cushions on the floor (just make sure your back is erect without being strained or overarched). You can also lie down. Take a few deep, soft, breaths to let your body settle.

Closing your eyes or leaving them slightly open, start by thinking of someone you care about already - perhaps she's been good or inspiring to you. You can visualize this person or say her name to yourself, get a feeling for her presence, and silently offer phrases of compassion to her. The typical phrases are: "May you be free of pain and sorrow. May you be well and happy." But you can alter these, or use others that have personal significance.

After a few minutes, shift your attention inward and offer the phrases of compassion to yourself: "May I be free of pain and sorrow. May I be well and happy."

Then, after some time, move on to someone you find difficult. Get a feeling for the person's presence, and offer phrases of compassion to her.

Then turn to someone you've barely met -- the supermarket checkout woman or the UPS man. Even without knowing his or her name, you can get a sense of the person, perhaps an image, and offer phrases of compassion.

We close with the offering of compassion to people everywhere, to all forms of life, without limit, without exception: "May all beings be free of pain and sorrow. May all be well and happiness."

5 Things Happy People Do

Definitely try these at home. Gabrielle Leblanc on a few simple actions actions that add up to a formula for joy. From O Magazine - March 2008

Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom )"Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common -- and why it's worth trying to become one of them:
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This is Your Brain on Happiness

Circuits in your brain light up when your happy.

Penelope Green talks to the groundbreaking researcher who's discovered how to keep them lit. O Magazine, March 2008.

There are no dark corners in Madison, Wisconsin, a university town that sparkles with endowment and research dollars -- more than $900 million last year -- as well as just plain Midwestern niceness. The grants are well earned: it was at the University of Wisconsin-Madison that the first bone marrow transplant was performed and the first synthetic gene was created. It was here that human stem cells were isolated and cultured in a lab for the first time. And for more than a decade, one of the campus's most productive hit makers has been the Laboratory for Affective Neuroscience, run by a 56-year-old neuroscientist and professor of psychology and psychiatry named Richard J. Davidson, PhD, who has been systematically uncovering the architecture of emotion.

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Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Abraham Maslow is known for establishing the theory of a hierarchy of needs, writing that human beings are motivated by unsatisfied needs, and that certain lower needs need to be satisfied before higher needs can be satisfied.

Maslow studied exemplary people such as Albert Einstein, Jane Addams, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Frederick Douglas rather than mentally ill or neurotic people. This was a radical departure from two of the chief schools of psychology of his day: Freud and B.F. Skinner. Freud saw little difference between the motivations of humans and animals. We are supposedly rational beings; however, we do not act that way. Such pessimism, Maslow believed, was the result of Freud's study of mentally ill people. "The study of crippled, stunted, immature, and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy." Skinner, on the other hand, studied how pigeons and white rats learned. His motivational models were based on simple rewards such as food and water, sex, and avoidance of pain. Say "sit" to your dog and give your dog a treat when it sits, and - after several repetitions - the dog will sit when you command it to do so. Maslow thought that psychologists should instead study the playfulness, affection, etc., of animals. He also believed that Skinner discounted things that make humans different from each other. Instead, Skinner relied on statistical descriptions of people.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs was an alternative to the depressing determinism of Freud and Skinner. He felt that people are basically trustworthy, self-protecting, and self-governing. Humans tend toward growth and love. Although there is a continuous cycle of human wars, murder, deceit, etc., he believed that violence is not what human nature is meant to be like. Violence and other evils occur when human needs are thwarted. In other words, people who are deprived of their lower needs such as safety may defend themselves by violet means. He did not believe that humans are violent because they enjoy violence. Or that they lie, cheat, and steal because they enjoy doing it.
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Top 10 List for a Healthier World

Patch Adams, the famous doctor and clown, prescribes the following for a healthier world:

1. Pick up all the trash in an area in your home town; become its guardian. Tell others about your project.

2. Be friendly to everyone at all times.

3. Offer people a shoulder or a foot rub in any situation.

4. Always speak up for justice, no matter how much it costs.

5. Go to nursing homes once a week to cheer people up. Become their friend.

6. Turn off your TV and become interesting. Become a performer yourself.

7. Consider acting silly in public. Sing out loud. Wear funny outfits.

8. Find ways to need a whole lot less money; share all that you can.

9. Have potlucks frequently, with neighbors, coworkers, strangers. Work toward living in extended families.

10. Take your vacation in your hometown and spend the money you save contributing to projects there that help build community.
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The Anti-Complain Campaign

Face it, the only thing bitching does is make you bitchy, and whining just leaves you whiney. But according to Martha Back, it's possible to take all that steaming frustration and convert it into the kind of energy that moves mountains and rocks worlds.

From Martha Beck's monthly installment in O Magazine.

At 63, Minnie is one of the youngest people I've ever met. She sparkles, and not just because she's dressed in a fabulous buttercup-yellow tank top with rhinestones and sequins. Everything about Minnie, from her laughter to the successful business she's created, seems to shine.

The radiance didn't come easily. Minnie was once a young widow, grieving the death of her husband and one of her two children. When I ask how she rose from this desolation to her success as a mother and a professional, Minnie thinks for a minute, then says, "I just got tired of hearing myself whine. I harnessed my complaining energy and used it to create a really good life."

The isn't the first time I've heard such a story. While many people spend whole lifetimes complaining, most of the high achievers I know divert the energy of frustration away from complaint and into success. I've tried both paths. I can enjoy a good whine the way connoisseurs enjoy good wine, but eventually, like Minnie, I get sick of my own petulance. Then I embark on something you might want to try: a "venting fast." It's not for the faint-hearted, but it's a powerful way to create a better life. more »

Outsmart habits with will & skill

Habits be gone!

It's diabolically difficult to shed ingrained behaviors, science shows. But not impossible.

by Karen Ravn
Los Angeles Times
April 6, 2009

Maybe you chew your fingernails when you're nervous. Or scarf down chocolate when you're sad. Or take home a stray kitty whenever you see one, until the SPCA has to come rescue them all and have you arrested as a hoarder.

Chances are you have a few habits you wish you didn't have, and quite possibly you've tried (and tried and tried) to break them. Scientists are learning why you may have failed (and failed and failed). In fact, they now know that once you have a habit, you can never really unlearn it.

"Once it's there, it's there," says Ann Graybiel, a Walter E. Rosenblith professor of neuroscience at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, Mass. "It really will never leave."

Great.

Still, no need to panic.

The fact is, even though you can never simply delete habits from your brain and be rid of them once and for all, you can stop indulging in them if you really, really want to -- and scientists have been learning more about that as well. But be warned: breaking up with a habit is ha-a-a-a-rd to do.
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Elements of Great Managing

The First Element of Great Managing: Making sure employees know what's expected of them is the foundation of management

by Rodd Wagner and James K. Harter

Adapted from 12: The Elements of Great Managing (Gallup Press, December 2006)

Who needs a manager anyway?

Given all the experimentation with "self-managed teams" and the frequent examples of bad managers, it's a fair question. What exactly does a manager add to the equation? Maybe companies would be better off saving the money they pay supervisors or turning those people into non-management workers.

The answer lies in the very roots of free-market economics -- roots that reemerged more than a decade ago when Gallup went in search of the elements of work life that are most important to making a team productive and profitable.

The central feature of a market economy is specialization of work. Unlike our ancestors generations ago, none of us today raises all his own food, builds his own house, and makes his own clothing. In fact, chances are good we don't even deliver by ourselves what our company sells. Most forms of production today are team efforts.

Since Adam Smith published The Wealth of Nations in 1776, it's been recognized that if each person concentrates on one part of the whole -- and each person's work is well coordinated with that of the group -- much more gets accomplished.

More than anything else, that need to coordinate or direct is what gives managers their jobs. It's the primary reason sports teams need a coach, orchestras need a conductor, and construction projects need a general contractor. Someone just put the pieces together.
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Checklist for Managing Your Boss

Make sure you understand your boss and his or her context, including:

- Goals and objectives
- Pressures
- Strengths, weaknesses, blind spots
- Preferred work styles

Asses yourself and your needs, including:

- Strengths and weaknesses
- Personal stye
- Predisposition toward dependence on authority figures

Develop and maintain a relationship that:

- Fits both your needs and styles
- Is characterized by mutual expectations
- Keeps your boss informed
- Is based on dependability and honesty
- Selectively uses your boss's time and resources

With a clear understanding of both your boss and yourself, you can usually establish a way of working together that fits both of you, that is characterized by unambiguous mutual expectations, and that helps you be more productive and effective. The "Checklist for Managing your Boss" summarizes some things such a relationship consists of. Following are a few more.
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Which Type of Hollywood Movie would you most like to star in?

	ALL	MEN	WOMEN
A Western with Clint Eastwood	20%	29%	12%
A Romantic Comedy with Cameron Diaz or George Clooney	18%	10%	26%
An Action Movie with Will Smith	15%	18%	11%
A Comedy with Will Ferrell	14%	16%	12%
A Drama with Meryl Streep	13%	8%	17%
A Thriller with Julia Roberts	8%	7%	8%
A Martial Arts Epic with Jackie Chan	4%	6%	2%

Happy Staff = Happy Customers

Surly, argumentative, indifferent, rude -- is that how your customers would describe your customer service people? If so, it's not too surprising. A couple of years of recession, followed by an achingly slow recovery with stagnant wages, have left legions of customer service employees feeling overworked, under-appreciated, and underpaid - and guess who gets the brunt of it? "There's a definite, proven connection between employee happiness and customer happiness," notes JoAnna Brandi, a consultant based in Boca Raton, Fla., who specializes in helping companies connect those dots. "Cranky, stressed-out staffers pass their frustrations on, and then top management is mystified as to why customers don't come back."

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