Tools & Tips

Why Optimism is Your Best Strategy

Everyday reality seems to leave little room for optimism. Television and front page news report mainly on failure and misery: Terrorism, violence, intolerance, and climate change. People everywhere are under a continual onslaught of negativity. No wonder more and more people are depressed. Under these circumstances, how can you stay positive and optimistic? In an exhaustive cover story, the French magazine Psychologies (January 2005) explains that optimism is a quality that anyone can learn. True optimism isn't about denying reality against our better judgement. And optimism is not the same thing as idealism, which also reflects a tendency to push up against harsh realities. The idealist is chasing after a big ideal and runs the risk of big disappointment. Psychologies calls for "intelligent optimism." Intelligent optimists don't deny problems, but adjust to them, while still seeking an opportunity for progress. Intelligent optimists don't allow themselves to get carried away by circumstances they can't change, but focus on things that are within their grasp and that they can enjoy. The magazine quotes the diary of Etty Hillesum, a Dutch Jew who wrote a journal describing her life in a Nazi death camp: "Today we walked along little German roads past lilacs and roses."
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The Sunny Side of Life

As far back as 1941, research gathered by the Australian doctor Frank Apperly of the University of Melbourne showed that sunlight can help protect against all kind of cancers, including breast, lung, prostate and colon cancers, reports What Doctors Don't Tell You (Oct. 28, 2006). He studied statistics from North America and discovered that people who live closest to the equator have fewer cancers. This isn't so surprising, given that sunlight is the richest source of anti-carcinogenic vitamin D.

Apperly's work attracted little attention at the time, but two recent studies have given his research renewed credibility. The first was conducted at England's Imperial College London. According to a publication of the British Medical Journal Online (Oct. 17, 2006), women between the ages of 10 and 29 who absorbed more vitamin D than a control group had a 40 percent lower chance of developing breast cancer later in life. Similar results were reported from a comparable study at the University of California San Diego, where women with elevated signs of vitamin D cut their chances of breast cancer in half. Vitamin D is present in such foods as eggs, liver, cod liver oil and oily fish such as salmon, sardines, trout and tuna. But it's difficult to get enough of it from a balanced diet; the best source is the sun.

How do researchers reconcile these findings with studies that have shown that sun exposure increases the chances of developing skin cancer? Apparently, the heat of the sun is the culprit, not UV rays, according to Apperly. This remains a controversial thesis, but certainly merits further investigation.

ODE Magazine
May 2007
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Laughter is the best exercise

We've all heard the adage that laughter is the best medicine. But according to Dr. Mandan Kataria, a family physician from Mumbai, India, it's also the best exercise. Kataria has developed a form of yoga that incorporates laughter to increase physical and mental well-being.

Hasya Yoga ("Hasya" is Sanskrit for laughter) combines laughter-inducing exercises with yogic breathing techniques in what he calls "laughter meditation." "When you start laughing your chemistry changes, your physiology changes; your chances to experience happiness are much greater." Kataria told Yoga Journal (Sept. 2006) "Laughter yoga is nothing more than prepping the body and mind for happiness."

Research supports Kataria's claims. Lee Berk of Loma Linda University in California has found that laughter strengthens the immune system, reduces stress and elevates endorphins, the "feel-good" hormones associated with physical exercise. Stanford University professor emeritus William Fry has also long reported the beneficial effects of laughter, which include stimulating the brain, boosting circulation and exercising the muscles.
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Happy Habits

1. Laugh. This simple act releases endorphins and make you feel good. Laughing also invites laughter from other people - a social connection that will boost your mood, too.

2. Count your blessings. People who concentrate on what they genuinely have to feel happy about are - surprise! - happier than those who dwell on the negatives. If you're in a bad funk, you might have to start with "I'm grateful I have legs." Before too long you'll see how much you really have going for you.

3. Say thank you. Expressing gratitude ratchets up the happiness quotient even more. In one study, research subjects wrote a thank-you letter to someone who had helped them in a significant way. Their happiness levels shot up immediately afterward and, amazingly, remained higher than normal for a month.

4. Play to your strengths. One measure of happiness is the ability to become absorbed by a task, and we're most absorbed by new activities that we're naturally good at. If your strength is social connection, find a hobby that allows you to interact meaningfully with other people. If your strength is self-expression, consider starting a blog or taking an art class.

5. Do good. In study after study, any form of generosity - simple acts of kindness, donations or volunteer work - raised happiness levels.
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Staying Calm in a Crazed World

Now that we can connect with anyone at any time, do we risk being out of touch with ourselves?

by Jon Kabat-Zinn

Our world is changing radically right under our noses in ways that have never before been experienced by the human nervous system. In light of the enormity of these changes, it might be a good idea to reflect on just how they may be affecting our lives.

My guess is we notice what's going on. We have been too caught up in adapting to the new possibilities and challenges, learning to use the new technologies to get more done and get it done faster, and in the process becoming completely dependent on them, even addicted. Whether we realize it or not, we are being swept along in a current of time acceleration that shows no signs of abating. The new technologies, touted as producing gains in efficiency and leisure, threaten to rob us of both, if they haven't already done so. Do you know anyone who says he has more free time than he did 10 years ago?

It is said that the pace of our lives is now being driven by an inexorable exponential acceleration known as Moore's Law (after Intel co-founder Gordon Moore, who first stated it), which governs the size and speed of integrated circuits. Every 18 months, the computing power and speed of the next generation of microprocessors doubles while their sizes are cut in half and their cost remains about the same. This combination increases the seduction of computer systems (for work and home), consumer products, games, and portable electronic devices, which easily leads to the loss of all sense of measure and direction as we respond willy-nilly to the increasing volumes of email, voicemail, faxes, pages and cell phone calls coming in from all corners of the planet. True, much of what comes to us is from people we care about and with whom we want to stay connected. But where is there a sense of balance? How do we regulate the pace of ubiquitous connectivity, and the expectation of instantaneous responses? more »

Happiness Tips Based in Science

Meet and Greet
Forget the fear of strangers; it turns out, chatting up someone new can be good for you. Striving to make a favorable first impression stirs up pleasurable feelings, lifting your mood more than you expect, the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reports. One more reason to take out those iPod earbuds and strike up a conversation.

Wise buy
People looking for an upgrade (e.g. the latest digital camera) may undervalue what they already own, the Journal of Consumer Research reveals. Before you buy, write down the pros and cons of your oldie and the newbie and compare - you may not need to make the change after all.

A gift that keeps on giving
If you like to volunteer, now your kind deeds can reap double benefit: Post your generous act on SpreadTheSharing.com and the food company Shedd's Country Crock will donate one meal to a hungry family through the charity America's Second Harvest.

Workplace woe
We've all missed work because of the flu, but being emotionally unwell can interfere with productivity too: Eighty-three percent of women battling depression sat it's a major hurdle to their professional success, a Mental Health American poll discovered. Happily, 94 percent who get help notice improvements at work. If you're always sad, go to NMHA.com to find an expert.

Self Magazine
November 2007 more »

How to Change a Habit For Good

O Magazine
September 2008

By Jim Loehr: CEO of the Human Performance Institute and author of The Power of Story: Rewrite Your Destiny in Business and in Life.

To change a habit, the motivation has to begin with a deep and abiding sense of purpose, and your goal must fit into that big picture. So start by asking yourself, When all is said and done, what do I feel must happen for me to have lived a life of significance? Say it's that you want to be an extraordinary parent. If your challenge is exercise, then you can keep reminding yourself that you're not working our to be buff, you're doing it to be a great mother. You don't want to be short on energy; you don't want to come home exhausted. Once you get that connection to your ultimate mission, you have the holy grail of change.

Next ask what private voice you've been listening to - the one that keeps defeating you every time you try to reach a goal. What's the excuse it tells you? "I'm too tired to exercise"? "I don't have time"? Okay, but is that really true? What are you doing at 5:30 in the morning? Well, you're sleeping. If you really want to do this, you could engineer time. Identify this voice, challenge it's faulty assumptions, and "out" it by getting it on paper. Once you sit back and read it, you'll see the negatives you've been letting run your life. more »

Stress S.O.S

O Magazine
March 2009

by Nancy Palmer

While the market plunges, free-floating anxiety is rising. How to cope with all the excess worry?

Money anxiety disorder: That's what you might call the latest American epidemic (the acronym, conveniently, would be MAD). According to a survey in October 2008 by the American Psychological Association, 80 percent of us find the recent financial crisis a significant cause of stress - up from 66 percent last April - and women are bearing the brunt of the worry, reporting greater concern over job stability and health problems affecting their families, for example, than men are. "Money is a safety net, as in, I may not be able to count on people, but I can count on my cash," says the APA's public education coordinator for Pennsylvania, David Palmiter, PhD. "Now the thinking's gone to: There's nothing between me and the abyss."

You can find plenty of advice from financial experts on how to cope. But what about the pervasive sense of panic, which can take a serious toll on health, putting you at a higher risk for a host of ailments from high blood pressure to heart disease. Science has shown that exercise and meditation are two of the most effective ways to reduce stress - but you probably already know that, and likely feel too pressured to try either. So we asked a few experts for other strategies you might not have considered.

1. Get Hypnotized. For years people have turned to hypnosis for help quitting smoking and losing weight, but the technique is also becoming popular among business types desperate to overcome financial stress, according to a November 2008 report in the Wall Street Journal. Generally, in hypnosis, a therapist uses verbal cues to put clients into a deeply relaxed state, where they become absorbed in their inner thoughts, then offers suggestions to shift an attitude so they can better tackle a problem. In this case, the suggestion might be "Money is energy that comes and goes" or "Your net worth doesn't equal your personal worth," to deflect the paralysis and insecurity that financial panic can cause. Ideally, clients learn the process on their own. more »

10 Ways To Close Your GAP

The GAP is where life sucks. It is the space between what you think and what you do. It is the space between your thoughts and your actions, the difference between your professed beliefs and your behavior. It's that grey zone where you wobble out of clarity and integrity an into misery and doubt. The Gap is what makes you feel out of sync... which makes life suck. Much of my book, Get a Life That Doesn't Suck, is about identifying and closing your Gap(s). In addition to the 10 Life-Changing Ahas in my book, life coach, columnist, and author Martha Beck has some advice on how to swim the gap between what you know and what you do (originally in O Magazine August 2008).

So you're drowning in a sea of good intentions - telling yourself you have to break this lousy habit, change that rotten relationship, write that life-changing letter... So why don't you do it?

"Ugh! I'm so full I can't breathe!" says Rose as she finishes her cheeseburger. "And I've got to lose weight... I think I'll have the creme brulee." Across the table, her oncologist friend, Linda, lights up, handling the stress of treating cancer patients by smoking like a chimney. Meanwhile, Barb is complaining about her 27-year-old son, Randy. "If he doesn't get a job and move out soon," she says, "I don't know what I'll do." Rose and Linda know what Barb will do - she'll keep cooking and cleaning for Randy until she dies of old age.

In their book The Knowing-Doing Gap: How Smart Companies Turn Knowledge into Action, authors Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert I. Sutton discuss why our actions don't often match out ideals, and what we can do about it. Although the authors' research is drawn from the corporate world, I read the book as a self-help guide, looking for ways to stop prepetuating behavior I know is bad for me: postponing work, playing addictive computer games, eating hotel minibar food that hardens my arteries costs more than its weight in enriched uranium. If you're a cognitive disonance sufferer like Rose, Linda, Barbara, and me, try these dos and don'ts that I've adapted from Messrs. Pfeffer and Sutton for closing the knowing-doing gap.

1. Don't substitute talk for action. Mike calls me every few weeks to say, "I need to talk to you about my girlfriend. I've been talking to a lot of her friends, and we should talk about what they've been talking about. Maybe she and I should come talk to you together." more »

The Kindness of Stangers

The Kindness of Strangers is a compliation of true stories of on-the-road friendliness. Here'a a word from the author, Don George:

Why stories about people being nice?
Kindness is easier to see when you are removed from your everyday context. Travel forces us to rely more on others, and the truth we learn is that our planct is a friendly place. People want to be good to one another - regardless of their background, religion, or culture.

Which stories are your favorites?
Naturally, I think they're all good. Jan Morris writes about being rescued from a muddy pothole in St. Petersburg. Pico Iyer befriends a philosophical trishaw driver in Mandalay. Simon Winchester enters a "state of grace" thanks to a spirited vicar on remote Ascensin Island.

Are some places kinder than others?
Destinations are not kind to strangers; people are. Some cultures may cultivate warmer interaction, but kindness itself transcends place and culture.

Where have you experienced this?
Locals have gone out of their way to help me in each of the 70-plus countries I've been to. A Greek family included my family in their Easter celebration; a Japanese trucker detoured and hour to drive me to a tiny village; a young boy in Cairo led me by the hand from a sinister neighborhood; a Kenyan craftsman gave me a carving he just made. I now find myself going out of my way to help people, in gratitude for the kindness that's been extended to me.

What is the lesson of your book?
We're all interconnected on life's journey, and kindness is ours to withhold or bestow. If we live everyday with kindness, we create a more graceful world. more »

7 Steps to Real Joy

Health Magazine
May 2004

by Alexis Jetter

Judith Sills, PhD, wants to make you uncomfortable - not miserable, just a bit unsettled. A little anxiety is what it may take for you to find deep satisfaction, according to the Philadelphia psychologist, whose book The Comfort Trap or, What if You're Riding a Dead Horse? (Viking Press, 2004; $23.95), follows the New York Times best seller Excess Baggage and three other works. "My other books are about finding joy and meaning where you are," Sills says. "But sometimes you can't stay where you are. Sometimes the challenge is about transformation."

If you feel trapped in a job that has long since stopped challenging you, or caught in a marriage that isn't feeding your soul, or stuck in a rut of any description, Sills offers seven steps that may make all the difference in the world.

Your book is for people who feel stuck or numb. What's the connection?
Judith Sills: This book is for the person who feels "Is this all there is?" or "If I could just get through the next five years..." It's for the person in some degree of pain, but whose pain expresses itself as numbness.
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Meditation: Why You Should Try It

Newsweek
March 24, 2008

By Tina Peng

Nancy Muriello, 37, decided a few years ago that she wanted to "empty all the junk" from her mind. So she began studying meditation techniques and practicing breathing and mindfulness, or being aware of the present moment. Now Muriello spends 15 minutes per day clearing her head of clutter. "You can really picture it as a reversal," says Muriello, who owns Big Apple Power Yoga in New York City. "All the junk, all the stimuli are pouring out of you, so you're left with a clearer, lighter mind and body. You feel very refreshed, very relaxed, and you have more capacity to take on new things."

Recent studies have shown meditation can yield a host of health benefits, from increased concentration to some relief from depression. Hospitals and clinics are including meditation as therapy, and medical schools are including it in their curricula. As the practice becomes more accepted as something that can be both secular and therapeutic, publishers are responding: at least a dozen books on meditation are scheduled for release in the next three months. "It's definitely become very mainstream in many ways," says Allan Wallace, president of the Santa Barbara (Calif.) Institute for Consciousness Studies.
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7 Ways to Restart a Day

You've just woken up and you're on the wrong side of the bed. Is there any way to switch to the other side? Absolutely.

1. As soon as the alarm rings: Spend your first 15 seconds awake planning something nice to do for yourself today. "This can really set you up in a good mood - even if it's just going by the farmer's market and getting fresh strawberries," says Alice Domar, PhD, whose next book - Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free From the Perfection Deception - will be out in March.

2. Get up: The longer you lie there, the more you ruminate, the darker your outlook is likely to become, says Christine Padesky, PhD, coauthor of Mind Over Mood. So get vertical and make a cup of coffee, take a shower, feed the cat... more »

4 Ways to Keep Your Brain Limber

We are creatures of habit; we love a good routine because doing the same old same old doesn't take much mental effort. But getting stuck in certain ways of thinking can hinder our ability to both enjoy and respond effectively to new situations. Like a body, the mind needs regular stretching to stay agile and resilient.

People, by nature, are more or less receptive to new activities and ideas. "Open" types are typically imaginative, creative, intellectually curious, and hold unconventional beliefs compared with "closed" types, who tend to resist change. Although you don't have to be an "open" personality to be mentally healthy, experts say that anecdotally in cases where close-minded people are forced to become more flexible in their approach to the world - by a shattering event, for example - they report that life is richer and more fulfilling as a result. Fortunately, all it takes to keep your mind limber is... more »

5 Ways to Break a Downward Spiral

How do you stop yourself from "losing it" and completely ruining your day when it seems that one bad thing is happening after another? For instance, you wake up to discover there's no milk for your coffee, the highway is backed up so you're late for work, and you're sinking into another bad - and worsening - day. O Magazine helps with some tips on how to survive a downward spiral.

First realize you don't have to go there. It's not the events themselves but the way the mind reacts to them that can cause a minor annoyance to snowball into an all-encompassing black mood - good news because, while you can't control traffic or someone hogging the milk, you can change how you respond when things go wrong.

1. Facts please: Downward spirals are often provoked by jumping to the worst-case conclusion. You make a bee-line from the boss's critical email right to "I'm going to be fired." Or you take a friend's failure to call as a sure sign she doesn't like you anymore. But the boss's complaint is probably just business as usual; the friend is simply distracted by a problem in her own life that has nothing to do with you. So before taking a flight of bad fancy, reread the boss's email more carefully (you may be suprised to find more positive comments that you hadn't noticed before), and review all possible explanations. Who knows, maybe she was just stressed out by her boss.
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5 Ways to Derail Rage

O Magazine helps us again with 5 ways to calm down...

For the third time now, the hardware clerk has brought you the wrong lightbulb, maybe because she still hasn't gotten off her [@#*!} cellphone. Bad service is not a crime, but it sure can make you want to commit one, as can any number of daily irritants (being cut off on the highway, just missing the train). Americans report losing their temper on average three to four times a week, according to Raymond W. Novaco, PhD, the University of California, Irvine, psychology and social behavior professor who coined the term "anger management" in 1975.

1. Call it: The minute you feel your temperature rise, tell yourself, "I'm bothered, and that may blur my judgment," Novaco suggests.

2. Don't wait to inhale: Each of us has a unique anger threshold based on chemicals like serotonin, says Emil Coccaro, MD, chair of the department of psychiatry at the University of Chicago, where he runs an aggression lab research lab. Depending on the kind of day you're having, your arousal varies, and when it's high, it's easier to explode. Regular exercise and relaxation practies can help you lower your arousal level and, in turn, stay below your breaking point so you're more immune to rude remarks and other daily aggravations. If you do feel yourself getting worked up, just start breathing deeply to calm down: Imagine the breath going in and out through your heart while thinking about something in your life with appreciation, suggests Deborah Rozman, PhD, a California psychologist and coauthor of Transforming Stress: The HeartMath Solution to Relieving Worry, Fatigue, and Tension, who has successfully tested this approach in clinical trials. After just five cycles, your system should be back to a more emotionally balanced, even keel.

3. Note to self: "I'm great." At the root of anger is self-doubt - a salesperson's incompetence doesn't throw you into a rage unless you're feeling helpless, harried, overextended, or otherwise victimized - says Steven Stosny, PhD, a Maryland anger specialist who has treated more than 6,000 people and written You Don't Have to Take It Anymore. So as soon as you start bristline, turn your mind to whatever or whoever makes you feel good about yourself - an achievment, future goals, a pet - as long as it has nothing to do with the issue at hand. The quick shift in focus can snap you out of a temper flare.

4. Think of something funny: If you're already in a full-throttle rage, you can startle yourself out of it with humor, says Coccaro. One old trick is to imagine the person who's enraging you standing there buck naked - maybe they even slip on a banana peel or get a pie thrown at their face. Another standby is to remember your favorite comedic moment (I Love Lucy in the candy factory? Jerry Seinfeld's yada-yada-yada-ing? Chris Rock's last concert? Any 2-year-old eating a cupcake?).

5. Clear your mind: At high levels of arousal, thinking gets fuzzy (attention narrows, and we're operating from our primitive fight-or-flight instinct). To cut through the fog, have questions ready to ask yourself, Stosny suggests: If there's an aggressor, what are at least two reasons this person is acting out? In a traffic jam, acknowledge the frustration of the situation with a quick mental note - "So here we are" - and then jump to "How am I going to get on with it?"

Sara Reistad-Long
O Magazine
October 2007
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6 Ways to Stop Dwelling On It

O Magazine's "Mental Health Guide" gives 6 ways to stop dwelling on things and move on.

Example A: It's 5pm, the deadline for an important work project is at 6pm, and all you can think about is the fight you had with the next door neighbor this morning. You're dwelling says Susan Noaln-Hoeksema, PhD, a professor of psychology at Yale and author of Women Who Think Too Much. "It's natural to look inward," she says, "but while most people pull out when they've done it enough, an overthinker will stay in the loop." Ruminating regularly leads to depression. So if you're prone to obsessing (and you know who you are), try these tactics to head off the next full-tilt mental spin cycle:

1. Distract yourself: Put on music and dance, scrub the bathtub spotless, whatever engrosses you - for at least ten mintues. "That's about the time needed to break a cycle of thoughts," says Nolen-Hoeksema, who's been studying rumination for over 20 years. Or choose something to focus on. "A friend told me she once started counting the number of times the speaker at her conference call said 'like,' " Nolen-Hoeksema recalls. "By the time he finished, she stopped ruminating."

2. Make a date to dwell: Tell yourself you can obsess all you want from 6pm to 7pm, but until then, you're banned. By 6pm, you'll probably be able to think things through more clearly," says Nolen-Hoeksema.
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5 Ways to Calm the Jitters

With some help from O Magazine's "Mental Health Guide" (October 2007), here are 5 helpful tips to help calm anxiety jitters:

1. Accept that you're having an anxiety moment. Allow yourself to be nervous - trying to squelch or deny it will only make it worse - and just focus on what's in front of you, says David Barlow, PhD, founder of the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University. If you're at an interview, meeting or party, listen intently to what the other person is saying. Make eye contact. When it's your turn to speak, be very conscious of every word you say. If you're at your desk, respond to overdue emails or tackle the pile on your in-box. Whatever you're doing, take a few deep breaths to help let the anxious thoughts and feelings float on by.

2. Stop trying to be perfect. "Almost by definition, if you're anxious, you're being overly perfectionistic in the goals you're setting for yourself," Barlow says. "You see all the ways you won't meet them, the thought of failure makes you anxious, and anxiety makes you think the worst." Look at the hard evidence from past experiences. Honestly, have you ever been laughed out of a job interview or a work presentation for not getting every word just so? "Most of the time, people will see that things went all right, even if they thought they could have done better," says Barlow. "Tell yourself, 'It's extremely unlikely that anything will ever go as badly as I think.' "

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Love Life, Live Longer

A lengthy 23 year study by researchers at Yale University and Miami University in Ohio gauged how perceptions of aging affected longevity. The conclusion was that nothing makes us more optimistic than the news that optimism makes us live longer.

The researchers asked 660 50-plus participants to evaluate age-related statements, such as "As you get older, you are less useful." The results showed that people who viewed aging positively lived an average of 7.5 years longer than those who saw it negatively (and, no, those people weren't Pollyannas in general - researchers isolated feelings related specifically to aging). Becca Levy, PhD, who headed the study, said the key to being in the first group is focusing on the good things you've gained with age, such as wisdom and experience, rather than the bad, such as achy bones. Also, find older role models - in the media or in your life - with inspiring pursuits, to remind you of the stuff you can do with the extra seven years of life!
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Why is multitasking a myth?

The brain is an amazing thing. Most of us have no idea what's really going on inside our heads. Yet brain scientists have uncovered details every business leader, parent, and teacher should know.

How do we learn? What exactly do sleep and stress do to our brains? Why is multitasking a myth? Why is it so easy to forget - and so important to repeat new knowledge?

These are the 12 Brain Rules (from www.brainrules.net) - what scientists know for sure about the human brain - and what we might do about it:

1. Exercise boosts brain power. The human brain evolved under conditions of almost constant motion. From this, one might predict that the optimal environment for processing information would include motion. That is exactly what one finds. Indeed, the best business meeting would have everyone walking at about 1.8 miles per hour. Exercise improves cognition for two reasons: First, exercise increases oxygen flow into the brain, which reduces brain-bound free radicals. One of the most interesting findings of the past few decades is that an increase in oxygen is always accompanied by an uptick in mental sharpness. Second, exercise acts directly on the molecular machinery of the brain itself. It increases neurons’ creation, survival, and resistance to damage and stress.

2. The human brian evolved, too. The brain is a survival organ. It is designed to solve problems related to surviving in an unstable outdoor environment and to do so in nearly constant motion (to keep you alive long enough to pass your genes on). We were not the strongest on the planet but we developed the strongest brains, the key to our survival. The strongest brains survive, not the strongest bodies. Our ability to solve problems, learn from mistakes, and create alliances with other people helps us survive. We took over the world by learning to cooperate and forming teams with our neighbors. Our ability to understand each other is our chief survival tool. Relationships helped us survive in the jungle and are critical to surviving at work and school today. If someone does not feel safe with a teacher or boss, he or she may not perform as well. If a student feels misunderstood because the teacher cannot connect with the way the student learns, the student may become isolated. There is no greater anti-brain environment than the classroom and cubicle.
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Have a good cry

Sometimes the most cleansing, healing thing to do is let the tears loose. "Crying slows your breathing and can have a calming effect," explains John Ryder, Ph.D., author of Positive Directions. Here's how to have a good cry without letting the tears get the best of you:

Track your tears. "Crying forces you to ask yourself questions about what's going on underneath your surface," Ryder explains. When tears seem to spring out of nowhere, play detective and figure out if you're crying because you feel overwhelmed, powerless, criticized, or any other emotion. The better able you are to pinpoint the reasons behind your tears, the less the situation will escalate in your mind. And get specific: I feel frustrated because my computer shut down without saving will give you perspective in a way that I feel frustrated because the whole world is against me can't.

Talk about it. "Part of the reason you cry is that you are seeking support," says Ryder. "You're showing that something hurts." So instead of locking yourself in the bathroom, find a sympathetic ear and unleash your feelings. Talking through the issues will help clarify them, and a hug or a smile can go a long way in helping you heal.

Take charge of the tap. Don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve? Before heading into an emotionally stressful situation, concentrate on breathing steadily and relaxing any muscles that seem to be holding tension. Next, Ryder suggests focusing on a memory of a time when you felt strong (when you wowed a boss with a great presentation or crossed the 10K finish line). Finally, tell yourself you're not going to cry. "Self-instruction is powerful, and reminding yourself that you're a strong individual will go a long way toward bolstering you up in the face of a breakdown," Ryder notes. And know that you can always let your emotions out later. Once you've cleared whatever hurdle was making you so anxious, a session on the sofa with a box of tissues may be exactly what you need to put it behind you.

From REDBOOK May 2009
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A Joie de Vivre Index

From The Wall Street Journal

France, a Joie de Vivre Index
Sarkozy to Add New Indicators, Such as Well-Being, to Measure Economic Health

By DAVID GAUTHIER-VILLARS

PARIS -- Nicolas Sarkozy was elected president two years ago on a pledge to boost France's economic prosperity. Now he is suggesting a different way to measure that prosperity -- one that includes factors such as vacation time, health care and family relationships.

From now on, to gauge the economy's health, France will consider well-being in addition to the classic measure of gross domestic product, Mr. Sarkozy said Monday in a speech at the Sorbonne, part of the University of Paris.

In the speech presenting the findings of a committee headed by Nobel Prize-winning economist Joseph Stiglitz, the president said new measures are needed in the wake of the financial crisis, which was triggered by an overreliance on free-market principles. "If the market was the solution to all problems and was never wrong, then why are we in such a situation?" asked Mr. Sarkozy. "We need to change criteria."

A former elementary school teacher, Pema Chodron, 73, was the first American women to be ordained in the Tibetan tradition. As principal teacher at Gampo Abbey, a monestary in Nova Scotia, she has written accessibily and movingly about integrating Buddhist practice into daily life. The following passage is adapted from her 11th book, Taking the Leap.

"If right now our emotional reaction to seeing a certain person or hearing certain news is to fly into rage or get despondent or something equally extreme, it's because we have been cultivating that particular habit for a long time. But as my teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche used to say, we can approach our lives as an experiment. In the next moment, in the next hour, we could choose to stop, slow down, to be still for a few seconds. We could experiment with interrupting the usual chain reaction, and not spin off in the usual way. We don't need to blame someone else, and we don't need to blame ourselves."

"Pausing is very helpful in this process. It creates a momentary contrast between being completely self-absorbed and being awake and present. You just stop for a few seconds, breathe deeply, and move on. Chogyam Trungpa used to refer to this as the gap. In the midding of just living, which is usually a pretty caught-up experience characterized by a lot of internal discussion, you just pause."

"And once you start doing it, pausing nurtures you; you begin to prefer it to being all caught up."

Pema Chodron points our that there IS another way to do things. We can ultimately choose how to respond to a situation instead of reacting. The BACK Technique is a simple, step-by-step process that helps guide you:

Breathe. Don't react. Just notice that this is a "wow" moment and know that you are officially on the first step of a Joyride.

Acknowledge what you feel as a result of that "wow." That's right. You can react now, on the inside. Feel it. Wallow around in it. But don't set up camp there.

Choose to feel differently. You may think your feelings choose you and that they "just are," but how you feel is a choice. You have some important choices to make: What is your desired outcome? And what do you not want to happen?

Kick into Gear. Act on your choice by asking yourself, "What would the best me to to get the desired outcome?" and then do it.

Expect Surprises!

A fundamental part of Joyriding is expecting surprises and maintaining a flexible and open attitude toward whatever adventures come your way. There are many things that can take you off course from your Joyride - including reacting to a surprise rather than thoughtfully responding to it, seeing only one way of doing something rather than considering many options, being totally "attached" to a specific outcome without maintaining the flexibility to handle whatever pops up.

So how does this apply to your career? If you're like me - and a majority of people out there - you believe that nothing happens without a plan - I'm talking about a "career plan" here - the five year plan that almost every business book says you need to climb the corporate ladder and build a successful career. To a degree, having a plan works fabulously - you have to do certain things to attain certain achievements. But if your plans are too rigid, you run the risk of missing a lot of opportunities along the way. And that's not the only problem: sometimes your goal may be too small.

The secret is learning to be flexible enough to keep changing what we want while striving for a long-term goal and enjoying the ride along the way. And here's how to do it: Let go of attachment.

Stress and anxiety are created by the fear that things won't work out the way you want (your plan) unless a particular intention becomes a reality in your life. This is attachment and it's a surefire way to make yourself too stressed and rigid to notice opportunities and surprises that come your way - surprises that may not be part of your set career plan, but may serve to help you reach your ultimate goal.

So, if you want good stuff to happen, hold the intention without attachment.

Intention (a strong desire/career plan) without attachment (an unhealthy tie to a particular result) opens up all kinds of possibilities (opportunities) that you might not have considered.